What to do when your partner pushes you away?

1. 0

   Erissaposted 12 years ago

   What to do when your partner pushes you away?
   
   Veronica, 3 yrs ago my husb told me he would divorce me and 2 weeks later he slept with an 18 yr old in my own bed while I was in Brazil then he filed divorce, he bought the tickets claiming he needed time and sent us away, I went just bc I wanted us to work out. All bc I wouldn't accept some investments he wanted to make bc they were bad in my eyes. I was a treat to his "advancement" per his partners.After all things went bad for him,he wanted his fam back,I did for love,he moved me away from family and I hate it, he says if I am not happy I can leave bc he wants my best but he wont go back.

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2. 79

   dashingscorpioposted 12 years ago

   Your real questions are: "Why do I want to stay married to a man who does not want to be married to me? Who is sleeping with other women in MY BED? Who is spending OUR money on whatever he chooses? With over 7 Billion people on the planet do you really think this the best you can you do? Don't you think you deserve to be with a man who actually loves, appreciates, and respects you?
   
   It takes both people wanting to be (married to one another) to make a marriage work. There is nothing you can do about your husband wanting a divorce. Your focus now has to be on (what is in your best interest) and if you have children what is in their best interest. Getting a good lawyer should be your first step. You are responsible for your own happiness! Your life is YOURs to live. Stop behaving as though your husband is your father. I realize much of what I have said may sound harsh but what I'm trying to tell you is it's time to start loving yourself. Best of luck!

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3. 0

   Erissaposted 12 years ago

   Hello, Thank you for taking your time to answer this questions. I have to explain a little more about this situation. He cheated in 2007 and after he cheated he also filed for divorce, wasnt even me that did it, time went by and he lost everything with her , after all he started to look for me, I took him back "broke" and with his life ruined in early 2009, every since we have been back together we are getting along and trying to work this out. I do have one child, my only problem is that I forgave him right?  Then he made me move "well i did for love" from one state to another to start from scratch since he couldn't take the burden of living in the same city after being broke. I accepted the move and the first place he couldnt work things out financial wise, then he moved us again and I am tired of the whole moving thing. I am starting again in a new place, no friends, no life, far from the people I love "family" the ones that were there for me when he left me and all he tells me is that if I am not happy I can leave but he wont go back to where we came from. Am I being selfish by thinking that since I forgave him, he should do the effort to make me happy instead of controlling my life and not even caring whether I stay or go?
   Ps. He has behaved ever since and been faithful, WHAT HURTS ME THE MOST IS THAT, by telling me to leave after I forgave him is so painful, it makes me think like he didn't deserve my love back. Now I have to pay for his mistakes of loosing everything and messed up financially and live where I hate, feel lonely and feel always depressed. Wasnt I supposed to choose where I should be when someone came back to after what he did, in another words DOES HE HAVE THE RIGHT TO MAKE CHOICES AFTER WHAT HE DID?????
   
   Thanks

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4. 61

   Nefarious_Miseryposted 12 years ago

   A: he's right, he didn't deserve your love back. It sounds to me like the bailed because he thought he would be better of without you. When he found out he wasn't, he came crawling back. I don't think you should have let him.
   
   B: He sounds like an a-hole for being unwilling to make any compromises for you despite all he's done you.
   
   I think you should go, there are a lot of good and trustworthy men out there, and he's not one of them.

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5. 59

   juiwei2000posted 12 years ago

   Here is a piece of advice, get a divorce, take half of his money and get him to pay you monthly alimony check and get on with your life.  Love is overrated.  Time to move on.  There is a saying we have in Asia "A couple might be birds from the same forest, but when it really comes down to it, they are still just two seperate and unrelated birds."
   
   PS: Funny story, I once came close to getting a girl who just got dump by her boyfriend on revenge sex, (because I persuade her to have to win the break up), but I didn't know after I persuade her, she was literally interest in sleeping with me, beccause she is just going to jump in bed with the first guy who try to pick her up, which is me and I didn't thought she would sleep with me and I left and then she ended up sleeping with a forty years old man.  I mean, I know girls go for older guys, but she is twenty one and he is forty, almost fifty, old enough to be her dad, dud, I know I say to win the break up with revenge sex, but that don't mean you should jump with any guy that comes up to you, especially if he is old enough to be your dad, yuck

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6. 61

   engelfantasydreamposted 12 years ago

   he pushes you back then he wants to come back? and does he have the right to make the right choices???..he does not...but the thing is,it is you giving him choices..cos you forgive him in the process right???..you forgive him that is a good thing..don't harbor grudges..but hate him and if you want to cry, cry and cry some more..cos if you will not undergo in the  so called hate process..it would be harder for you to move on..but don't hate him forever that is not what im saying..just don't deny or keep it inside you the hurt and hate you feeling towards him..that is unhealthy..then as time goes by ..you going to get healed and the hate will just gone naturally in your system..LOVE YOURSELF FIRST this time..FREE YOURSELF..and LET SOME OTHER GOOD GUY OUT HERE TO LOVED AND TAKE CARE OF YOU..for me it is A DECISION TO LOVE SOMEONE..SO IT IS A DECISION TO THAT YOU GOING TO LEAVE SOMEONE...You deserve better who will treat you like a PRINCESS OR A QUEEN.TO MAKE YOU FEEL LIKE A WOMAN...LOVED AND RESPECTED:)i wish you all the best in life..:)and keep praying..

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7. 74

   Levertis Steeleposted 12 years ago

   Erissa:
   
   Your husband insults you because you have given him your permission. He knows that you are weak and will take it. There is nothing wrong with giving a husband a second chance, but if he is still doing the same things, you must decide if you love him enough to take his verbal abuse.
   
   When he gets back on his feet and loses his embarrassment, will he do the same? Keep your eyes open and pray. I cannot advise you to leave him because I do not know, but you two need counseling.

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